Friends and Lovers

I have a very good friend- let’s call him Dave. I’ve known Dave for almost nine years now, but we’ve become very close friends over the last several years. I can’t say that Dave is my best friend because our friendship is unique from any others that we have. We relate to each other in a way that we don’t relate to other friends. We can have entire conversations without speaking. We often joke around about sharing a brain. We refer to ourselves as partners in crime.
I often struggle with mixed feelings for Dave. Sometimes I think it would just be so perfect if only… Then I think about the inevitable drama it would create in both of our lives and wonder if our friendship could survive if a relationship couldn’t.
I’m pretty sure Dave feels the same way, at least based on the conversations we’ve had about it. I’ve been told that I’m hard to read and my psychiatrist warned me that I probably have difficulty connecting with people on any really significant level (in retrospect I can easily see this being the likely cause of my ex unexpectedly ending things at the beginning of this year). I know that’s not an issue with Dave because I’ve already let him see the good, the bad and the ugly. There are very few people I ever let into my life like that.
I guess what it comes down to is that I can’t decide if it’s worth risking it all for the small possibility of having it all…


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