Yes, I’m a day late. And yes, I’ve been slacking a bit on my posts. ‘Tis the season.
I suppose plenty of people take the changing of the calendar as a time to wax poetic about the old year. No, on second thought, I don’t suppose–I know. Nothing like an entire week of almost nothing to read on Salon.com except lists and countdowns to make an information junkie ready to pull her hair out.And those that aren’t reminiscing about the old year are busy making resolutions for the new year.
So let’s get one thing out of the way right now. I don’t do resolutions.
It’s not that I don’t look at the new year as a chance to turn a new leaf. And of course, just like everyone else, I would love for 2014 to be the year that I lose a ton of weight, start feeling better mentally and start learning how to take care of myself like a functional adult. But aren’t these the same things everyone wants for themselves?
I had the chance to ring in the new year with friends at a small party. The party was hosted by one of my closest friends, one of the longest friendships out of my current circle of friends. While I was there, I began talking to her neighbor and we ended up talking for a couple of hours because it turned out we had a lot in common. As we raised our glasses at midnight, I thought to myself that this was the perfect way to spend New Year’s Eve–with one of my oldest friends and with my newest friends.
And then I started thinking about it even further. One of the biggest regrets that I have in life is that I absolutely suck at staying in touch with people. I don’t know why it’s such an issue for me, but it’s not a new issue. I see my Facebook news feed and I see how much some of my former classmates are still in each others’ lives, even if they no longer live anywhere near each other. I regret that I missed the opportunity to maintain those friendships the way I wanted to. Even now, I struggle to maintain friendships that I truly cherish. I don’t know where the time goes, and I start to feel uncomfortable with the idea of trying to show up again after being MIA for so long. I wish I knew how to show the people in my life how much they mean to me.
Sometimes I wonder if the wall I built was to keep people out to keep myself in.